You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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