I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
