I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
