Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
