seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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