My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
