there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
