The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
