i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
