I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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