I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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