this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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