Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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