the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
