He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Non-Jews are for practice
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
