Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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