you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
