Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
