It's Friday. Sex?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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