yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
