sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
