i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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