I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have tasted many bathrooms
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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