I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
