I wish I could punch you in the face.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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