I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
