4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
