Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
