He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
