Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
