Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
