Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
