you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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