I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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