I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my liver is dry heaving
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
