Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
