so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
