Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
