come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
