I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
