I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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