Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
