so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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