I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
