Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
