I look better un-naked...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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