I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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