I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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