I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
