just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no you cant smoke seaweed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
